Information to help guide and support you through the loss of your baby
“A butterfly lights besides us like a sunbeam, and for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world: but then it flies again. And though we wish it could have stayed; we feel so lucky to have seen it”
The Bereavement Midwife team
Our bereavement midwives are specially trained to care for and support you and your family after the loss of a baby. Their role is to help you walk the difficult path ahead and guide you through both the emotional and practical aspects of what is to come.
They understand that there are many difficult decisions ahead and aim to be an experienced and consistent presence, helping you understand what needs to be done, talking you through your options and choices and supporting you through the loss of your baby.
In addition to this practical support our midwives will work with you to create memories and to collect keepsakes of your baby, should you so wish. What is available will vary dependent on the size and gestation of your baby. However, we recognise the importance in remembering your baby and there will always be something we can do to help.
In all instances of baby loss, you will be offered the use of our photographer who will take photos of your baby as well as yourself and family (if you would like). These will then be developed at the hospital and delivered to you when you are ready to receive them.
Once you are ready to leave the hospital, you can leave toys or mementos with your baby (if you wish) and they will then be taken, together, to the mortuary by our midwives. Here they will be cared for with the utmost dignity and respect by our mortuary staff.
There is no right or wrong way to respond to baby loss. Grief is individual and our bereavement midwives recognise that how much or how little support each family might want is personal and they will be led by you and your needs.
Please be aware that the availability of this support is ongoing, and something you can come back to in time if you feel you need to, or if anything changes.
What to expect physically following baby loss
In addition to the emotions related to the grief and shock of what you are going through, your body is also going to need to recover physically following the loss of your baby.
Your breasts and breastmilk
When your hormones drop following the birth of your baby, your body will produce breastmilk, even in instances of baby loss. This can add to your emotional distress and as such your midwife will be able to guide you through how best to manage this, either through the use of medication or by naturally suppressing your supply.
Some families find donating breastmilk after the loss of their baby to be a comfort. If this is something you would like to consider, please ask your bereavement midwife for more information.
After-pains/stomach cramps
Following the birth, it is common to experience after pains. These can feel similar to labour cramps/contractions or strong period pains and are caused by the uterus contracting to its normal size and location. Pain relief, heat pads or a warm bath can help provide some relief.
Bleeding (lochia)
Following the birth, you will bleed through your vagina. This is known as ‘lochia’ and is your body’s way of passing the lining of the uterus and blood from where the placenta was attached. How heavy the bleeding is and how long it lasts will vary, everyone is different, but generally you will bleed for up to 6 weeks. The colour of the blood loss will change from red to pink to brown as the bleeding becomes lighter.
Please note that if you are losing blood clots larger than a £2 coin or the blood loss is soaking through pads in
1 to 2 hours, it is important that you call the Gloucestershire Maternity Advice Line on 0300 422 5541. You may be asked to return to the unit for review by a doctor.
Your midwife will be able to provide you with further information about other physical aspects of baby loss. This can include stitches, going to the toilet, your pelvic floor muscles, recovering from a caesarean section and getting your period following your baby loss.
You can expect to see your community midwife in the days following the loss of your baby. This will be for a full postnatal check as well as to provide you with support and to answer any questions you may have. If you do not hear from them, please chase them up.
Bereavement counselling
Baby loss is an extremely difficult event in anyone’s life, it is a very personal experience which may result in a wide range of emotions. Some people might find that the support of their friends, family or other parents who have been through the same is enough, others will benefit from the input of a trained professional.
In these instances, counselling is available privately and through some charitable organisations. Please ask the bereavement midwife if you would like more information.
Funeral planning
Our bereavement midwives can help and support you through decisions related to what happens once your baby has passed. It might be that a service takes place at the hospital or that you are able to hold a funeral.
Some of the funeral directors we work with are listed below. If you would prefer to work with someone known to you and your family or anyone else of your choosing, we will still support you.
Beechwood
Gordon Blake
Philip Blatchly & Son
Alexander Burn
Clutterbucks
Ernest Cocks & Sons
Co Op Funeral Care
01242 580336 / 01452 713085 / 01594 822115 / 01452 522676 / 01594 842875 / 01453 791770
Philip Ford & Son
Michael Gamble
Goodwins
Ernest Heal & Sons
Mason & Stokes
Further support
Below are some support websites you may find helpful:
Forget-me-not Peer Support Group (Facebook)
Pineholt Village Hall, Hucclecote
1st Friday of each month 7:30pm to 9:00pm
Supporting Arms for Dad’s
1st Monday of the month via Teams,
For more information, contact dadsupport@achingarms.co.uk
Tiny Footprints Brotherhood
Online community for bereaved fathers.
First Saturday of every month.
4 Louis
Miscarriage Association
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
Mama Academy
Child Bereavement UK
Tommy’s
www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support
Sands
The Lullaby Trust
TFMR Mamas
Aching Arms®
Teddy’s Wish
Cruse Bereavement Support
Kicks Count™
Nova Baby Loss Support
Dad Matters
Rosie Crane Trust
The Lily Mae Foundation®
Nine 4 Norah
Mariposa Trust
Remembrance Service
Each year we hold a remembrance service for parents and the family and friends of those who have experienced baby loss. If you feel as though this is something you would like to attend, please let your midwife know so that they can provide you with the dates.
Contact information
Bereavement Support Midwives
The Women’s Centre
Gloucestershire Royal Hospital
Tel: 0300 422 5564
You can also speak to a bereavement support midwife on following numbers:
Tel: 07799 060328
Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays, 7:00am to 5:30pm
Tel: 07812700625
Tuesdays, Thursday and Fridays, 7:30am to 6:00pm
Gloucestershire Maternity Advice Line
Tel: 0300 422 5541